Completely dazed, dead tired, with the mind having gone all numb…… But I promised myself to write!!
As I stood amidst the rumble and ruffle of the of the train that was just arriving at the opposite platform, and as I was waiting for my train to arrive, I saw the crowd rushing towards the train that had not halted yet…..at a slow pace but moving towards its destination…about to pick travellers who would jump in it and claim their seats on a 1st come first basis; I saw the rushing of the poor and the disabled…..
The poor rushing and jumping into the train like headless chickens….those rushing faster for the others, to book for their families. Yet all of them gushing into the compartments’ doors all at once!!! The disabled with their crutches, or in their chairs – their folks pushing the chairs towards the train!!! The immediate turn of a silent waiting place to an absolute frenzy for getting a place….
The train was moving slowly…. And yet, all of them rushing in a race to catch…catch what?! ….was it really the seat that they traverse in this sojourn with ease and comfort?! Or what was the real stress and tension that compelled people to move when something is already crossing them in motion?!
Really the question for what?!
Eventually the train was scheduled, uhh I think destined, to reach the station, when they can get in easily as well, within the confines of respectable time slotted in by the railways for the ticketed passengers!
Well…. the kids were running with their parents, the aged ladies in their ever so respectable Sari garbs, racing…running…scampering…holding hands, holding part of the parent’s cloth so that kids do not get lost…..scurrying to get into that train…..
All, those with crutches, pushing hard and challenging them to speed that they may never even achieve in their best trained performances, yet with ‘so called mentally assumed speed, those crippled in their seats, racing with their eagerness as though their souls gonna get at that train’s entrance door’s bar!!!
Life……As these folks and the train was moving in slow pace, I stood stock still at their opposite end…. Watching, amazed, then slightly touched….. Dig my hands into my pockets and stood experiencing the motion and the commotion; seeping and soaking in every ounce of the exuberance of human emotions like a movies reel…. And I am onlooker, watching them pass by! More the commotion, more the calmness and poise within me….
Suddenly I noted a dark, thin, actually emaciated kid, dimwit maybe but shouting for her mother….. Running against the motion of the train, with a rucksack held over her shoulders….
She was searching for her mother, not sure whether she wanted to go, search for her Mom, or let go the train….
10 steps against the train’s motion towards her mom and back again by 4 steps towards the train….
Tears rolling down her cheek, the anguish in her whilst making a decision of letting go the train or waiting for her folks, was palpable on her face n body language!
Finally in a second or two, she boarded the train with her potli still looking behind for her folks to having reached the compartment; but within another 2 seconds, she got off the train running towards the station’s entrance, shouting for her mother…. For a while she stood there at mid-point of her compartment and platforms entrance, looking at the entrance of her folks reached at all in the Nick of the time or check if she had time enough to wait until her folks joined her; she had now decided by now that she had rather wait down then take risk of moving alone in the train! Her folks joined in 7 minutes from then, and no sooner she saw her folks in sight, she ran to the vacant seat to reserve for all her folks!
I kept watching all of this, her expressions, her dejection, her confusion…. And her expressions of happiness seeing her mom and sisters join her….
I was watching like an objective observer… And nothing of this sight touches me the way it used to touch me when I was younger….
Had I been what I was 2-3 decades back, I had felt every single person’s pain and trouble making me sad! The sympathy within me and sensitivity then was phenomenal, so much so that I used to weep in others pains!
Today, as I was an onlooker, although I was watching some of the most dramatic, heart wrenching poignant scene, watching people’s being of absolute powerlessness, and their sheer misery as each of them were trying to reach something against the ebb of the natural flow….either in fear of losing a transient sense of belonging or comfort ; or maybe in the hope of getting something that they can hang on for few moments of illusory comfort, maybe race towards the anticipation of something perceived as comfort?!! And therefrom emanation of their tryst and painstaking struggle to achieve their perceived illusory means….
I was smiling, as I was able to feel the trials and tribulations of these folks as they were scampering and scurrying in race against or for something…..
Nothing does matter, but the mere essence of being in the race does!!!!
Me smiling, like a wise creature, evaluating each move and tragedy of the living! As though my super sensitive emotional being has now become wiser, able to view things, situations and people with an objective eye, can adjudge situations and emotional upheavals from afar!
Smiled, life…. In all it’s transitions and motions, can be so erratic ….in actuality, had they all had patience for the train to stop and then board in elegance of their being, with respect for their being, then the story would have been far far saner, composed and beatific!! But wonder, given the chance and scope for people to do that, opt for something that is more peaceful and satisfying, will they have enjoyed the peaceful ambulation or would they choose the frenzied, nerve yanking and stressing situations to eventually claim……claim that after their pursuit of the struggle and chaos, they having come out with accolades and success, failures or miss outs?!!…and that too perceived, self-created and not really real….
Well, I had leave that choice unto them….
And as for me, I had rather be happy standing in that stillness of the universe, with as the clutter and chaos passing me by, at times being shoved or hurt in the midst of the crowd if caught unwary, but I had rather keep myself at distant from such confounding and chaotic situations, where you can be away…and watch and feel the clutter but in absolute poise and calmness…. Coz life and the universe flows noiselessly, naturally….. Resisting the natural flow in itself creates far more trouble and ripples than being in sync…..in harmony. Even the discordant strings of a musician can create the most cacophonous sound…and well, this one is life! If I ain’t in harmony with myself as I move on the path of my living….that ain’t the reality. One of my counselling teacher’s where I was studying Counselling psychology had many a times in her lectures, stressed upon the fact that ‘if we are in disharmony, we are not on the right path!!’
I concluded, finally I’ve learnt the art of empathy; I with time have grown wiser……